A BIT OF MY SOUL......

A BIT OF MY SOUL..

We all know that a soul is the most essential component of any living being.. Of you, of me, of each and every person… each and every living being..

I cannot say that I am living without the acceptance of the fact that there is a soul which dwells in my body.. The soul which is a bit of that great God…

My soul is not an unbroken piece.. It is made up of a number of pieces a number of components… Now you must be wondering what must be the components that make my soul… Well , they are all the ppl around me and all the living things around me, which have created their place in my heart.. Ya you can call them my loved ones… These are the ones who are close, very close to my heart…

I am very very selfish in this matter, I don’t want any of these pieces to part from me, I cannot live without them properly… For my unbroken existence I require all of them. Even if one of them is amiss, is angry on me, is upset with me, I am not at rest till things are made up… I have stored all the moments that I spend with these ppl in the compartments of my heart… I cherish each moment.. I am alive because all these loved ones are in my life. Though all of them may not meet me daily but then till they meet me again I can live on the basis of the moments that we had spent together… Eg: my friends who meet me once in a while, I am alive till our next meeting because we were there together sometime in the past and there are moments of happiness that we have shared.., One of my dearest aunts who stays in the USA comes just one day in the entire year but I can wait for the entire year again because of that one day which we spent together….

Its my habit right from my childhood that once any person makes a way to my heart, that person remains with me forever, never never can I forget that person…. May be I may not contact that person but then that person remains in my thoughts always.. I have faced a lot of problems due to this… When I was small I could not hide my feelings, I used to get upset easily with the behaviour of someone around me, a lot of scoldings I got from my parents because of this attitude. They used to keep on telling me that the world is selfish, there are bound to be incidents in your life where you may feel that you have done a lot of good for a person, you really love that person, but still that person does not feel the same for you, but for that you should not take things to your heart, you should learn to be a little self centered if you want to live in peace in this world.. “FORGET THAT PERSON, THERE ARE SO MANY OTHERS AROUND” was what they used to tell me.. I know THIS WAS ALL FOR MY GOOD, my parents can never want the bad for me.. but then I could never express why I could never forget that person in my life and why I like a SHAMELESS person went to that person and spoke to him the same way I used to earlier, with that same feeling of love.. We all know the hindi saying “Kutte ki dum tedi ki tedi rehti hai” . The meaning behind is that the habits or behaviour of a person never change.. Neither have they changed in my case.. Only thing is there is one thing I have learnt over these years, ie to hide whatever sorrow or grief I have.. Things do upset me, make me sad (There are hardly any times when I am angry), upset… but I don’t express it to anyone, I know no one can ever change my mindset, I will keep going on the bumpy roads of that feeling of true love for each living being in my heart and when I get bumps of selfishness or heart break given by others to me I have no right to make anyone around sad because of my own mistakes which make me sad…. I cannot upset others because I am upset.. so I do not share these thoughts either in words or actions… Life becomes so easy for others if there is a jolly person around.. I feel really happy bringing those smiles to faces…

But these bits of my soul, all may not realize they are meaning so much to me… SOO MUCCCH…. That their very walk off from my life can shatter my world.. I may not show it but I am affected a lot….

When I was in school, ours was a group of 20, all work and play was done together, but out of all one was really a special friend of mine.. though there was a strong bonding among all 20 yet I used to feel much more for this friend… There was a strong bond between us… Atleast I used to feel that way… I used to love her to the extremes but then it had to happen.. She ditched me one day, a stupid thing to do (reserved the information of the project given in class to herself, in spite of me asking about the project she purposely did not tell me the correct one, due to which I fared badly in that exam). I hid this fact from my parents, but somehow they came to know about this…. And from then onwards I was not allowed to speak to that friend… My life was shattered… there were other 19 friends but my life was incomplete…. My parents were upset due to my behaviour of taking this thing too seriously. They asked me to spend time with the other 19, but One bit of my SOUL was amiss… I WAS ASKED TO FORGET HER…. But it was like telling a Mother “ You have other 2 children be happy, let the first one go….” Is it possible for a mother to do so… no, because the children are bits of her very existence her soul….. I somehow made up with my friend, I convinced my parents… but it was remarkable that, my friend agreed she was wrong and she was sorry that she had been so selfish with a person who loved her so much…. That had a happy ending..

But now, one of my Special friend has walked off on me, without even saying a good bye, without even explaining why, this is very strange, I cannot forget this any moment.. not a single moment… If it was my mistake my friend could have told me.. I could have rectified it… but without letting anyone know their fault how can a person be punished….??? I have explained myself, I have tried to keep the friendship alive from my side, but then why you had to do this… History repeats itself, so my parents wish I think that I never had you as my friend, they may be right from their side but I still cant forget you…. Why are you punishing me… My life has become a disaster, I keep wondering why this has happened… let me know my mistake, let me know my fault.. you are the bit of my soul.. whom I cannot forget… never can forget… Please come back, come back, come back……………